They grow up so fast...

My daughter Mary recently told our neighbour that she is starting school this year.
The neighbour asked what grade she is going into and my daughter replied she heading into high school.
Mary is three and a half years old.
The effect her words had on me was immediate and profound. I literally froze.
My eyes locked on my girl, chatting happily with our neighbour, my body suddenly feeling like it was made of cement, my mouth hanging open like a gaping, well, mouth, and I was, for perhaps the first time in my life, stuck for words.
You know that saying that just before you die your life flashes before your eyes?
Well, after my daughter uttered those words, her whole life flashed before my eyes.
I was in Vancouver, 42 and single when I discovered I was pregnant. I've just remembered the real first time I was stuck for words.
It was strange timing. I'd recently come to peace with the idea of never having children. I'd never been married but thought it was something I could consider if I decided to have a child. Having grown up without a father at home, it was very important to provide my future child with a mother and a father.
Well you know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men and women!
I'd never met a man I thought I could put up with 'til death do us part, and vice versa.
But this guy came close. So, there I was a few days later, telling the man I loved that I was carrying his child.
It was an extremely difficult pregnancy. The occasional migraines I suffered from since I was a child became chronic, making it impossible to work. I had to go on short-term disability and spent many, many painful days in bed.
I developed gestational diabetes and for the last two months of my pregnancy was unable to sit or stand for more than one or two hours before becoming violently ill.
It didn't make things any easier that as the pregnancy progressed the maturity level of my man exponentially diminished. It was bizarre watching this life growing within me and this mentality draining away in front of me.
To give him credit, he was in the delivery room when Mary was born. And he obviously adored her as did I. The second I saw that child I was smitten in a way I'd never known. She had taken immediate possession of my heart and soul.
Her father, unfortunately, wasn't able to overcome his demons and be the father she deserved or the partner I needed so I brought her back to Ontario to raise her in Lakefield where I grew up and where she now is surrounded with family.
Over the last three and a half years I have begged her not to grow up too fast. She's not even old enough for junior kindergarten and she's already planning on going to high school.
Oh my heart!
I never knew, until I had a child, just how fast time could pass. Last night, while she slept, I found myself staring at her chubby little hand, lying on top of the bedclothes, tracing with my eyes the soft curve of her pink cheeks, marvelling at her long eyelashes and beautiful golden hair. And it occurred to me that no matter how old this child gets, no matter what grade she goes into in the autumns to come, she will always and forever be my baby.